Driving in the dark

Ughh.... it's that time again, so dark when I leave work, it might as well be midnight. The end of daylight savings has hit me as it always does.  I am exhausted.  I haven't adjusted to the time change yet so I'm waking up an hour early everyday, still going to bed at the same…

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Day 600

My sober app informed me I've reached 600 days.  I can't believe it, it's almost surreal.  I am trying to embrace sobriety right now because before I just wanted to not think about it and push it away previously, which I feel is a form on denial.  I think I've finally realized, yeah I am…

Contemplation

I am contemplating getting my but to an aa meeting this week.   Why contemplating, because I'm scared,  ridiculous, isn't it?  I haven't been to a meeting in over 6 years and the times I went I did not have a lot of sobriety under my belt.  I do feel more confident now,  so that is…

Alcoholic Thinking

I made it home from my business trip from the mid-west.  Everything went well and it was very pretty, I'd go back for a vacation. I did make it through another dinner without a drink, had an O'douls though.  I am finding myself obsessed with alcohol.  I guess I'm having dry drunk syndrome.  I'm so…

Thankful

I did not drink tonight and I am so thankful.  I did not think I'd make it through it.  I was surrounded by alcohol, like I was swimming in a sea of it.  Everywhere I looked red and white wines and tumblers of whiskey, gin, vodka.  I am at a work conference and they had…

Negativity

I'm a negative Nancy and no offense if your name is Nancy.  I very much never look on the brighter side and I hate it.  I don't like being like this and am not sure why I really am.  If something good happens I question it and wonder when the other shoe will drop.  If…

I am an addict

It's taken over a year to really, truly admit I'm an alcoholic and still saying that scares me.  Admitting that is no going back and a part of me still wants to pretend that someday far off into the sunset when my child maybe hits 16 or 18 I can drink.  Who am I fooling…

500 Days

My sober app informed me I'm on day 500. Sometimes I can't believe I made it this far. Often times I try no to think of alcohol it makes things easier.  I've had some cravings this summer, but nothing too intense.  I am trying too live healthy.  It's been about a month with no beef,…

Lifestyle Changes

I've decided to make a radical change to my diet that I was never planning to make. I realize that makes absolutely no sense, but it's true.  While I was on vacation my mother gave me a book called Skinny Bitches.  The back cover seemed to speak of just diet and exercise, but the inside…