I am an addict

It's taken over a year to really, truly admit I'm an alcoholic and still saying that scares me.  Admitting that is no going back and a part of me still wants to pretend that someday far off into the sunset when my child maybe hits 16 or 18 I can drink.  Who am I fooling…

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500 Days

My sober app informed me I'm on day 500. Sometimes I can't believe I made it this far. Often times I try no to think of alcohol it makes things easier.  I've had some cravings this summer, but nothing too intense.  I am trying too live healthy.  It's been about a month with no beef,…

Lifestyle Changes

I've decided to make a radical change to my diet that I was never planning to make. I realize that makes absolutely no sense, but it's true.  While I was on vacation my mother gave me a book called Skinny Bitches.  The back cover seemed to speak of just diet and exercise, but the inside…

Killing time and thinking

Sitting in an airport right now, one of my least favorite places to be.  I just want to be home.  My flights delayed 2 hours so there will be a lot more sitting. I'm feeling a bit emotional.  My visit has ended with my mom and I will miss her.  I spoke to my husband…

Contemplating 

Still thinking about my next move in this thing called life.  I am back on the baby kick and once again completely undecided.  A girl at work is pregnant which bright it back to take forefront again.  She's young, probably mid to late twenties and this is #2 for her.  Me- I'm feeling my age…

The Voice

The voice is back it says, I want alcohol. It's like a siren calling me.  I can almost taste it on my tounge.  The cravings are really bad. I feel like saying so what, I'm done.  I want to be able to relax on a Friday night and have a drink.  I can almost feel…

Good news

The good news is I'm now sleeping.  I've been sleeping normal amounts for about 2 weeks now.  There is nothing worse than being sleep deprived, I felt like a waking zombie.  I am tapering off the medicine that I believe caused this along with depression and anxiety.  I'm not depressed anymore, I'm not smiling ear…