Well the sickness torch has officially been passed. Hubby is better, wife not so much. My chest hurts, I have the chills and a headache. I really hope this isn’t the flu, I got that last year, so think I should get a free pass this year. And yes, it was definitely the flu, I tested positive for type a. They stuck that q tip up my nostril so far, I think it touched my brain.

The good thing about being sick is that I will not be thinking of alcohol. Last year during the flu and a later stomach bug, I was alcohol free and it wasn’t even hard to stop for a couple weeks. Of course once I felt better, I had that thought that I deserved a drink and I had gone awhile without one, so I can surely have one, start watching my intake again and control things.

I am an absolute control freak too. I wonder if all addicts are. It takes a long time to try and perfect drinking. I actually never liked feeling drunk though, a good buzz OK but not drunk. So I tried to walk that fine line between buzzed and drunk. I also preferred drinking solo or else with another drinker. I guess I didn’t trust myself to not go overboard, so best to keep things under wraps a bit.

Two years ago, one of my co workers had a small get together at her house. The alcohol was flowing as so was the food. Well I overdid it, but got out of there just in time. I could feel the sickness coming on me as I tried to drive home. I knew the only thing that would help was to expel the booze. I pulled into a parking lot, got a plastic bag, a pen to help me gag and let it all out. It’s so disgusting to think about. I hated feeling that bad, but when it happened, I purposely made myself sick.

I keep memories like that in my head, to remind myself that I don’t want to go back there, it sucked. Sure there were fun times, but not enough to justify picking up again. So I’m OK with my cold, flu whatever. It’s better than being so intoxicated, I’d have to throw up to feel better. Now that is sick.

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