I can’t believe how preoccupied I was with alcohol.   Everyday was a struggle,  do I drink,  do I not drink?
This is what a typical day looked like.

4:45 pm leave work
“I need a drink, I’m stressed.”
“I really shouldn’t drink tonight, I need a night off.”
Drive
Nothing good on the radio
Drive some more
Pass convenience store that sells wine
Feel tense
Annoyed at everyone on the road.
“I deserve a drink, it’s been a long day”
Contemplate how much should I drink tonight..decide I’ll only have two glasses.
“Good, it’s a plan, I will drink, but not too much.”
Immediately feel relief and I haven’t yet had a drop. It’s amazing how the brain works.

Stop at another convenience store.
Need to hurry, must pick up daughter in time at daycare.

Plan to buy one mini 4 pk of wine, that will last two days.
Hmmm…I better but 2 of these, I like the Sauvingnon Blanc and Pinot Grigio, what if I want one of each?
I’ll just buy both

Pick up daughter,
Mad dash to get home and have a drink.
Cranky in car

5:45 pm Get in the house
Turn on Curious George for daughter
Pour drink… ahhh…
It’s half gone in one gulp
Immediately feel relief.

5:50 pm Let out dog
Why does he take so long to do his business, ughhh I just want to go back in
Annoyed that I am inconvenienced from drinking
Come back in and finish wine

6:00 pm Scramble to get dinners ready
“Should I have another? Why not? ”
Pour another glass, add some ice to cut it a bit
make it last.

6:15 pm serve dinner to daughter
Finish up wine

Hubby calls
Must hide possible buzzedness, he’s usually home my 6:40
“So how are you making out, will you be home soon? ” I say to him
Meaning, do I have time for another?
Sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes no.

Must eat something to hide wine breath
Must hide evidence and shove wine bottles in back of fridge
Must hide one last mini bottle upstairs in my nightstand, for when I read in bed later to relax

6:40 pm Hubby is home
“Shit, can he tell I’ve had wine?”

Participate in family time or try to be attentive
Start to sober up or fake it

9:15 pm Wine upstairs while reading

10:00 Maybe I’ll have one more (depends on the day)
If so, go to fridge for “juice” while hiding mini wine bottle in waist of pajama pants

11:00 pm Attempt sleep

12:00 am Still awake, keep getting up to pee

2:30 am Wake up drenched in sweat, have to change top

4:00 am Wake up sweaty again
Use bathroom.
Wonder why I drink so much?

6:00 am Alarm!!!
Snooze for 40 minutes
Wake up
Shower
Lie back in bed

7:00 am Olympic event to get out the door in time

7:30 am In car
I need an iced coffee
I am not drinking tonight

Repeat from top

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