I did it, fifty days without booze. Saturday I had my first real test. We went out with a group and one couple had some drinks. The woman ordered a white wine, which was my drink. I could even smell it from across the table. I thought about what it would be like to have one and played it forward in my head. I wouldn’t want just one and if I were to have a glass, I would have to sip it as people tend to do when they eat and not drain it in three gulps. That would have done me nuts, the pacing oneself so appeared to be a normal drinker. So I happily sipped my unsweetened ice tea.
Today I feel a mix of emotions. Not drinking has bought up a lot of hurt feelings I’ve tried to bury over the years with my father. We went out to lunch today and I told him some of my feelings with my stepmother. I know nothing will likely ever change and I have to get beyond it. It’s just really hard and I tend to regress to a hurt 4 year old child which is when she came into the picture. I feel like he never put me first and it’s unimaginable to me being a mom. My daughter will always be number one and I gave up drinking to make sure of that.
I’m proud of myself today.