My number one triggers to drink are stress and anxiety. Feeling overwhelmed, grab some wine and calm down. Well I can’t do that anymore and sometimes it’s so frigging hard. I can deal with social events and people drinking, it can be uncomfortable, but not like stress.
Today was really overwhelming. I wanted to stop off and grab wine but I didn’t and even that frustrates me because, I don’t want to think like this anymore. I want to be done with this alcohol thinking popping into my head during tough and even not so tough times.
When my mind is running rampant and my body is so full of cortisol I feel like I could run a marathon, I don’t know how to cope. I can usually handle stress well but right now there’s just too much going on and I feel stretched thin. Work has picked up again and I have about 10 projects going on and I have to travel next week. I leave Sunday and get back Tuesday night. My mom will be here Wednesday for a week and I need to get the house in order. I’ve been in pain for about a week with sciatica. I have a bad bunion on my left foot that is affecting my gait and how I walk. My foot, legs and back are in pain, so I haven’t done my normal walking exercises. I feel like an old lady who’s falling apart, I’m not even 40. I have an appt. with the foot doctor the end of the month, he may suggest surgery, my mother had it a few years ago so I know it’s not too bad, just damn inconvenient.
Really trying to just get through this and not pick up. I don’t want to be the person I was 6 months ago. I want to be present for things because you don’t get that time back. I think of my daughter and being there for her, she is my reason for all of this.