365 Days

Today is my sober 1 year anniversary.  I made it.  It’s been tough, I won’t lie, but well worth it. My relationship with my family is so much better, because I’m fully present, not worrying about the next drink.

Even though I’ve made it this far, I still get scared. I don’t know yet that I’ll never drink again.  I’m scared to drink and scared to never drink, so right now I try not to think about it, but every now and then that pops up.  I do believe if I open that bottle up, I may never be able to plug it back up.

Emotionally I’m proud I’ve got this far, but I’m not magically happy.  I still have to deal with life, like anybody else.  The last four months have been filled with ups and downs.  My hubby lost his job, got a new one, which didn’t work out and then started over again at a new place last week.  My job has been menotonus, boring and I’m burnt out.  My doctor has been tinkering with my medication and the new meds have me feeling more depressed and anxious.  

For the up, we adopted a dog and she’s wonderful, such a sweet disposition. She’s an America Eskimo and is a year and a half.  I’ve been bringing her out for plenty of walks, she’ll be my little walking buddy.  Speaking of exercise I’m back at the gym.  This year’s goal is to really push myself physically.  I would love to be able to run.  I’m starting with the elliptical and working up to a fast pace, one I get there I will work more on the running.  

I’m still a work in progress, but as long as I continue to try I’ll succeed