My cousin didn’t make it. He passed away on Sunday, he was in a coma and his body just shut down. He was only 31 years old and had a life ahead of him. It’s heartbreaking and I just don’t understand. The last time I saw him, in the summer, I had the feeling something wasn’t right, but I didn’t suspect this. He hated his older brother for getting into drugs and choosing that life over his family. I don’t know what happened for him to follow that path. He was so bright and easy to talk to. I didn’t see him much except family functions but I always enjoyed talking to him and catching up. It’s hard to believe I’ll never see him again, it is such a waste.
My aunt and uncle are not having a service. Maybe it’s too painful, I heard they didn’t have the money for it but that baffles me. So he’s been cremated and I feel like everything’s been swept under the rug. I have the feeling this will never be talked about, just a taboo subject. I feel that he deserves more than this. I’m so sad and kind of angry about it too. I feel this could have been prevented, but people turned a blind eye.
Tomorrow I go back to work, I’ve been off a few days. I’m nervous and scared to go back and I know I need to stop these emotions. This anxiety has affected my sleep so much and now I also feel depressed. I have taken about 2.5 mg of ambien the past two nights and I slept. Hopefully I will tonight too. I just don’t want people asking all these questions at work. My boss is like a friend to me, still the boss though and she doesn’t know about my anxiety and depression, I don’t know if I should confide that or not, I don’t want it to ever be used against me.