The voice is back it says, I want alcohol. It’s like a siren calling me.  I can almost taste it on my tounge.  The cravings are really bad. I feel like saying so what, I’m done.  I want to be able to relax on a Friday night and have a drink.  I can almost feel the relapse coming on.  I haven’t had cravings this intense yet and it’s been over a year. Part of me doesn’t care anymore. I’m doing the things I have to do in order to earn a paycheck, be a good mom and a good wife. I’m not doing anything for me.  I don’t even have a good friend to go out with or talk to, isn’t that sad?

Right now I honestly don’t know if I’m going to drink or not.  I really want to act out right now.  I’m a reckless teenager now, not caring about consequences. 

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “The Voice

  1. What would be your first choice of something good to do just for you? Maybe adding something new like that would be a better option than blowing your hefty sober time? I know it’s easy to say and I know that rebellious teenager to hell with it feeling too. Sending you best wishes and strength x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If you leave this open ended you will relapse. When you say you don’t know if you will or you won’t your addicted mind has already made its mind up. Have you tried getting support with meetings and sponsors? You might need additional support sweets. Do you have the means to go into treatment? You need a friend or sponsor in real life to help you. I needed that and still need that. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve been to AA a few times but feel it’s not for me. I do see a counselor so that helps. Really my husband is my biggest supporter but it would be helpful to have a larger system.

      Like

  3. I hope you are feeling a bit better now (just catching up with posts here) I think you need something just for you to focus on. Yoga, exercise, reading time. A holiday. Night out? I dunno. A real life sober friend would be great but I know you cannot just materialise one from thin air – or I’d have one by now. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I hope you’re doing ok! I’ve been fighting the same feelings the past few days and tomorrow is 6 months for me. It’s exhausting!! I booked tomorrow off work and I’m going to go for a really long hike/ nature walk. Hope you’re doing ok!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. The voice is soooo hard! I hated everything about it. I really thought it would NEVER go away. But it did. I had to go to rehab to finally make it stick. I know that sounds drastic and it was… feel free to email me anytime you need to vent or if you want to talk. Jessacuna81@gmail.com I don’t know you but I have a feeling you are me a year ago. “Hug”

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s