Still thinking about my next move in this thing called life. I am back on the baby kick and once again completely undecided. A girl at work is pregnant which bright it back to take forefront again. She’s young, probably mid to late twenties and this is #2 for her. Me- I’m feeling my age and see my time running out. In thought, I really want another child. I always said I would have two, I didn’t want my child to be an only child like me. I also feel like I’m less of a mom with one instead of two, like I don’t really know what motherhood is unless I’m juggling two around and then I feel like I’ve failed. I know it’s crazy and my hang up.
My daughter will be six in about a week, so having one now would be a big she difference and it would be like starting over. I’d likely be 40 or 41 when I have birth and there’s no guarantee I’d even get pregnant now. I would not do IVF, if it didn’t happen I’d consider it a sign.
I’ve keep going through the pros and cons and sometimes I feel like there are more cons. The biggest is money, daycare woud be about the same as our mortgage and me staying home is not an option. There are still child care costs for my daughter, before and after school is no cheap and it’s extra for half days, holidays and school vacation. Once your kid enters school the childcare costs don’t stop, they’re just slightly less. So money is my #1 concern, time and energy are next.
I don’t know when I’ll figure this out. I’m going to be visiting my mom for a few days and I’m going to talk it out with her, I don’t know if I’ll make a decision but will hopefully feel better.