Pretty sure my life is quite lame.   When I was younger I wanted to be a grown up,  now that I’m here,  I’d like to go back.   Let’s just say my life is not highly exciting right now.   As I was writing this, I just had to get up to chase my neurotic dog who steals my daughters toys and loves to chew on them.   She’s ate a Ninja Turtle and a Barbie. Then my husband informed me she peed in the family room.  So here we are,  another fantastic night for the interesting folks.

Now that I’m married, have a child and work full time, I feel like my future life experiences are quite limited. I’ve done what I wanted to do and now I’m bored to death. When I was in my late teens and twenties things seemed so much more intense. I was in college, learning new things, meeting people, dating and having my share of heartaches too but it was exciting. I find myself lately thinking of the past and the things I’ve gone through. There were many friends, lovers and they’re all gone now. I have one close friend left, she’s really more like a sister but she’s overseas. It’s so sad to have lost close friendships. As for the past loves, it feels a bit sad too. I love my husband, but we’re kind of beyond that passion stage. Everything just seems a bit blase. I don’t know what I’m looking for exactly, maybe this is my mid life crisis?

Saturday is our wedding anniversary, 7 years. We’re doing dinner and then walking around the city. It will be nice, but still ordinary. I feel this way about everything, my job, day to day life. I’m pissed off I can’t even have a drink on my anniversary. I’m tired of not drinking, yet I know drinking would be bad and that angers me more.

In my past, drinking was a theme, I have the memories to prove it and many hand written journal entries if I fail to remember. Basically at 19, I started socially drinking and going to clubs. I just kept on drinking, not tons but weekly, always with people but I loved to have a beer and cigarettes before bed. Really at 25 I started drinking solo more frequently. My heart was crushed from a breakup, I moved to my first apartment, had my first full time job and of course nightly solo drinking sessions, with plenty of sad love songs and cigarettes. Those were dark days, ages 25 to 27, but sometimes I still miss them. I was completely on my own with no responsibilities, even if I was depressed.

I don’t consider myself depressed now but feel a bit indifferent. I think I need to get out there and do something whether it’s a class or some social thing. I do miss the past and wish I had done things differently, but I can’t go back and need to not get hung up. As they say, tomorrow is a new day.


5 thoughts on “I think my life is boring

  1. I think at different stages of our lives we feel like this.
    I know I did when I retired from teaching.
    Our brains do love novelty, as well as routine, so maybe there is one little thing you can add or do differently. I have to do this myself, even when I don’t feel like it.
    I used to try different coffee shops, to shake up my routine, and my brain liked that.
    Or I try to walk different places.
    I tried a new hobby, but that didn’t fit me, so now I volunteer, and that has been great.
    Just a thought.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your brain is recovering. The indiffrenece you feel is the over production of dianorphin due to years of alchol abuse. It will lift and ordinary things will give you joy again. You also need to try to find a new way to be in the world. Try something different.

    Here is a book I reccommend :

    This is a video by Annie Grace to help undestand how lonmg it can take to feel better.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh god I often feel like this. I think that is one of the reasons I drank so much. I hoped to feel less bored and tried to find excitement. However, I now know you don’t find any of that at the bottom of a bottle lol. I’m trying to fill my life with more exciting things to do. It’s always good to have something to look forward to. Unfortunately, this weekend I planned nothing and I’m feeling very bored and flat. I just want something fun and exciting to do!!! I’m not going to drink but instead I’m planning a full day out with the kids tomorrow – I do NOT want to be stuck in the house!
    Thanks hurrah for the links x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Writing it out is a start.

    Making a list of things you’d like to do – accomplish – might help. A ‘dream big’ list. Learn that instrument, take that class, buy that antique car/scooter you always wanted, make that short film, read that really long book you’ve always wanted to but never had the time to.

    When I write these lists, I stick them in a book, and when I come across them years later I’ve often done many of the things on the list unknowingly. It plants a seed.

    Liked by 1 person

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