Contemplation

I am contemplating getting my but to an aa meeting this week.   Why contemplating, because I'm scared,  ridiculous, isn't it?  I haven't been to a meeting in over 6 years and the times I went I did not have a lot of sobriety under my belt.  I do feel more confident now,  so that is…

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Alcoholic Thinking

I made it home from my business trip from the mid-west.  Everything went well and it was very pretty, I'd go back for a vacation. I did make it through another dinner without a drink, had an O'douls though.  I am finding myself obsessed with alcohol.  I guess I'm having dry drunk syndrome.  I'm so…

Thankful

I did not drink tonight and I am so thankful.  I did not think I'd make it through it.  I was surrounded by alcohol, like I was swimming in a sea of it.  Everywhere I looked red and white wines and tumblers of whiskey, gin, vodka.  I am at a work conference and they had…

Negativity

I'm a negative Nancy and no offense if your name is Nancy.  I very much never look on the brighter side and I hate it.  I don't like being like this and am not sure why I really am.  If something good happens I question it and wonder when the other shoe will drop.  If…

I am an addict

It's taken over a year to really, truly admit I'm an alcoholic and still saying that scares me.  Admitting that is no going back and a part of me still wants to pretend that someday far off into the sunset when my child maybe hits 16 or 18 I can drink.  Who am I fooling…

500 Days

My sober app informed me I'm on day 500. Sometimes I can't believe I made it this far. Often times I try no to think of alcohol it makes things easier.  I've had some cravings this summer, but nothing too intense.  I am trying too live healthy.  It's been about a month with no beef,…

Lifestyle Changes

I've decided to make a radical change to my diet that I was never planning to make. I realize that makes absolutely no sense, but it's true.  While I was on vacation my mother gave me a book called Skinny Bitches.  The back cover seemed to speak of just diet and exercise, but the inside…

Killing time and thinking

Sitting in an airport right now, one of my least favorite places to be.  I just want to be home.  My flights delayed 2 hours so there will be a lot more sitting. I'm feeling a bit emotional.  My visit has ended with my mom and I will miss her.  I spoke to my husband…