Almost slipped

I swear I almost drank tonight.  I was in a not caring about anything state and wanting to tell the universe to f off.  I could almost taste the alcohol in my mouth.  I sat outside the strip mall outdide Wines and More debating what to do with tears in my eyes and reciting the…

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Tis’ The Season

Yup, it's that time of year again. It just tends to sneak up on you. I recall just apple picking in September and them bloom it's Christmas. The good news is I have almost all my shopping done, started early this year. Right now I'm forcing myself to get into the holiday season like I…

Driving in the dark

Ughh.... it's that time again, so dark when I leave work, it might as well be midnight. The end of daylight savings has hit me as it always does.  I am exhausted.  I haven't adjusted to the time change yet so I'm waking up an hour early everyday, still going to bed at the same…

Day 600

My sober app informed me I've reached 600 days.  I can't believe it, it's almost surreal.  I am trying to embrace sobriety right now because before I just wanted to not think about it and push it away previously, which I feel is a form on denial.  I think I've finally realized, yeah I am…

Contemplation

I am contemplating getting my but to an aa meeting this week.   Why contemplating, because I'm scared,  ridiculous, isn't it?  I haven't been to a meeting in over 6 years and the times I went I did not have a lot of sobriety under my belt.  I do feel more confident now,  so that is…

Alcoholic Thinking

I made it home from my business trip from the mid-west.  Everything went well and it was very pretty, I'd go back for a vacation. I did make it through another dinner without a drink, had an O'douls though.  I am finding myself obsessed with alcohol.  I guess I'm having dry drunk syndrome.  I'm so…

Thankful

I did not drink tonight and I am so thankful.  I did not think I'd make it through it.  I was surrounded by alcohol, like I was swimming in a sea of it.  Everywhere I looked red and white wines and tumblers of whiskey, gin, vodka.  I am at a work conference and they had…

Negativity

I'm a negative Nancy and no offense if your name is Nancy.  I very much never look on the brighter side and I hate it.  I don't like being like this and am not sure why I really am.  If something good happens I question it and wonder when the other shoe will drop.  If…

I am an addict

It's taken over a year to really, truly admit I'm an alcoholic and still saying that scares me.  Admitting that is no going back and a part of me still wants to pretend that someday far off into the sunset when my child maybe hits 16 or 18 I can drink.  Who am I fooling…